


if you've never wept and you want to, have a child

by kmm530



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Allison Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Allison Hargreeves is Trying Her Best, Bring Claire back 2020, I have a lot of feelings okay, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27337093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmm530/pseuds/kmm530
Summary: Was there ever a moment in time where one could stop thinking about the people they loved?
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Ben Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves/Patrick (referenced), Claire & Allison Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves/Allison Hargreeves (implied), Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Raymond Chestnut/Allison Hargreeves (Referenced)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	if you've never wept and you want to, have a child

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not have sold my soul to this show.

Was there ever a moment in time where one could stop thinking about the ones they loved?

Allison had spent her entire life around her five brothers and her sister. They were constantly on her mind - they had to be. She had no one else to think of, but she had loved them despite the lies she was spoon-fed, the lies that told her she had to work harder, she had to be better, she had to be stronger. The lies that circled around in her mind during the daylight hours and that had infiltrated her dreams. The lies that convinced her she had to use her power for everything. So, because of the lies, she had Rumoured her way into the film business, flying away from the toxicity of her childhood home and of the people who lived there. Little did she know it would follow her. 

She never stopped thinking about Luther but found herself too self-absorbed to think much about her other siblings. Besides, Five was gone and Ben was dead, Diego and Vanya were off living their own lives, and Klaus was... well, off somewhere, high out of his mind. She shivered to think about pushing her abilities away, never being able to use them again. She didn't understand how he did it; how he lived without his ability.

Allison claimed in interviews that they were all a happy family, that _yes, Luther is very excited to be on the Moon_ and _no, she was very busy on her movie tour and time didn't allow her to see them all that often._ All lies that she told herself again and again until they became her truth, the one she lived in between all of the drama and action of fame. 

But lies did not know the difference between dreaming and being awake, and so she found herself dreaming of memories, thinking of her siblings. Vanya, shy on the sofa beside her but laughing at something Klaus said, all the same. Ben, happy and alive and _whole._ Five, there and demeaning but protective and bold. Klaus in her closet, smile wide on his lips, and hollowness disappeared from his eyes as he layered her sweaters and skirts so he was almost invisible underneath it all. Diego, all reserves lessening as she gave him a quick hug. Luther, smiling that soft smile reserved just for her. The lies she told that her family was whole were in fact true, but only in her mind. And yet, every morning as she awoke to face a new day, she did not cry over her dreams, just awaited them with a somber, lingering longing. 

When the siblings reunited, Allison saw how much they had changed and for a single moment gave her thoughts over to her siblings; allowed herself to look past the barriers they'd all constructed and allowed herself to think about them. And then the moment was over and the thoughts were too painful and she shoved the emotions in her throat down to the pit of her stomach. Allison did not cry, though she longed for the times passed.

When Vanya slit her throat, Allison's eyes were wide in shock. Here was sweet Vanya, the only one she'd never feared, with the twisted features of a killer. The last face Allison would ever see, and it would be the sister of righteous fury, the sister she had rarely given a second thought about. The sister she loved even as she died by her hand. She ached for all the words left unsaid.

Allison woke up with no voice and a sister to save from the grips of their brother. She whimpered, begged, pleaded with Luther. Nothing worked and Vanya ended the world.

The 1960s were a fresh start until she had to give up that too. Had to give up Raymond and the life she could've had with him. But for the year that she'd spent wondering after and worrying about her siblings, she had to go. She had to stay with them, return with them, so she could think about them in a way that was absolute. 

Allison had lost much in her lifetime. She had lost her birth mother, a normal childhood, any semblance of a healthy relationship with any of her brothers or sister, her voice, and her power. She had lost two brothers, only to have one return twice with news that the world was ending, and she had lost the second forever without ever getting to say goodbye. She had lost not only one but two husbands, two lives, friends. She had lost so much and so many, and yet when she thought about what she had lost, only one name came to mind.

Claire.

Her beautiful, sweet, kind, wonderful Claire. The baby she had grown within herself for the better part of a year, gone by her hands not once but twice, and now perhaps permanently. It was harder on her than losing either Five or Ben, and the thought of never seeing Claire again grew from a nagging in the back of her mind to the forefront of her waking hours. 

It was for Claire that she began working harder than ever before to help Five reset the timeline, and it was for Claire that she worked herself to exhaustion. And at night, as she lay in bed, her last waking thoughts were about Claire, and in her dreams, she heard her daughter's voice calling out to her, begging her to come home.

In the morning, Allison awoke with a pained scream that never passed her lips. 

And on that grey-skied morning, for her daughter, she wept.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!  
> xx


End file.
